Archive for March, 2008

1- Hold the cat in your arms as if he were a baby. Open his mouth and quickly introduce the pill. Close his mouth and let him swallow the pill.

2- Get the pill from the floor and get the cat from behind the sofa. Repeat process number one.

3- Get the cat from under the bed and throw away the saliva wet pill.

4- Get a new pill and hold the cat under your left arm, holding his paws tightly with your left hand. Open his mouth and push the pill all the way in with your right index finger. Keep his mouth closed for ten seconds.

5- Get the pill from the fish tank and the cat from the top of the wardrobe. Seek help.

6- Kneel on the floor with the cat between your legs. Ignore his snorts. You must hold the cat’s head tight while your help opens his mouth with a wooden ruler. Then your help must introduce the pill into the cat’s mouth and hold his neck with both hands until the cat swallows the pill.

7- Get the cat from the curtain’s rail. Get another pill and make a note on your shopping list for a new ruler and new curtains. Sweep up the pieces of the crystal vase that used to sit on the table.

8- Wrap the cat in a bath towel so only his head is visible. Then jump on top of him. Your help must blow the pill through a straw into the cat’s mouth.

9- Read the prospect of the pills and check whether they are dangerous for human consumption. Drink a litre of water to get rid of the bad taste. Bandage your help’s arm and wipe the blood from the carpet.

10- Get the cat from your neighbour’s home. Get another pill, put the cat inside a drawer and push the drawer in so only the cat’s head is sticking out. Open his jaw with a spoon and throw the pill into his mouth.

11- Get a screwdriver to repair the cupboard hinges. Put some ice on your cheek, and check if your tetanus injections are up to date. Throw your tee shirt into the dustbin and get a new one from the wardrobe.

12- Call the fire brigade to get the cat from the tree. Apologize to your neighbour who crashed his car into the tree while trying not to knock the cat down. Get the last pill.

13- Tie the four paws of the cat to one leg of your kitchen table. Put on your gardening gloves. Put the pill into the cat’s mouth inside a bit of fillet. Hold his head tight and give him half a litre of milk so he finally swallows the pill.

14- Call the ambulance service. Wait while the doctors put some stitches in your arms and chest and the nurse washes smashed bits of pill from your eyes. Stop at the furniture shop on your way back and buy a new kitchen table.

15- Phone your sister and ask her if she would adopt a lovely little kitty…

Gatos sin fronteras.


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To bathe a cat takes brute force,

perseverance, courage of conviction –

and a cat.

The last ingredient is usually the hardest to come by.


Stephen Baker,

 whoever he was.

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She was a tiny little dirty baby when we rescued her.

She kept meeeeeowing all the time, and she had a really high-pitched voice.

A mezzo-soprano kitten.

We had to give her a bath as soon as we reached home, and she hasn’t forgiven us ever since.



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Rooftop Concert

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I Can’t Luxuriate In Your Love.

I can’t lie with you every day but I can when you really need me

I can’t love you in every way but I can where you really need me

I can’t kiss you in that way but I can hold you when you really need me

I can’t touch you as we want us to but I can touch you as you really need me

I can’t say what you want me to but I can say what you need to know me

I can’t say what you want me to but can I say what you need to know we


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Can I lace this space between us
weave a web of word and deed
Give my version of the reason
show you secrets I have seen
When I walked in private places
tasted sights and felt each dream
Share with you ideas and wonder
Who I know and what I’ve been
You may join in should you care to
with your thoughts and then your deeds
Will you grant me cause to ponder
when I know your thoughts of me.

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