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Archive for October, 2008

Agent Provocateur

Joe's girlfriend's g-string, maybe.

How I hate waking up at half past five. I stay curled up in my warm bed till I can’t, and then I jump from  bed and get dressed at top speed.

It was particularly hateful today, as I had not slept very well. The alarm rung and I simply could not get up; I lay with eyes closed and decided to risk five minutes more of bed sweet bed.

Too sweet. I sudenly opened my eyes and realized twenty minutes had elapsed… run run run pick up the uniform pick up the undies and shoes quick quick quick splash some water on my face wash my teeth put my bra and my blouse on at the same time tights and knickers damnit where are they oh yes inside the shoes skirt on pick up handbag bye breakfast runrunrun…

I had been working for some time when I realized my very fancy knickers were falling down my legs. Oh-oh. One of my twins must have tried them on and broken the elastic band. I thrust my hand into my skirt and held them up.

Thinkthinkthink. I can’t possibly work for eight hours with either falling knickers or no knickers. Oh goody, I can take one of the paper knickers from one of those emergency toilet kits airlines provide to passengers with missing baggage. Lovely.

I got the knickers, put them on and stuck the offending item into my pocket.

I don’t know how, but the offending item jumped off from my pocket and got lost somewhere in my workplace. I carefully retrieved my steps,  trying to figure out where my knickers might have got to.  Being forced to wear the same uniform, the same shoes, the same hairbands, the same rings, the same hairstyle, the same boring outfit for years we usually have a penchant for extravagant and lovely undies. Disaster.

Restroom. Dispatcher’s office. Meeting room. Boss office. Boss office? A very angry voice was coming out from boss office. My very attractive workmate, Joe, was receiving a put down from boss.

-WHATEVER YOU DO WHEN YOU ARE ON NIGHT DUTY, DO NOT EVER BRING YOUR GIRLFRIEND AGAIN TO HAVE A SHAG IN MY OFFICE, IS THAT CLEAR?

I had found my Agent Provocateur knickers at last. Or maybe Joe’s girlfriend’s….

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Salem thinks that I pay far too much attention to my laptop… She is a much more interesting subject.

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