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Archive for May, 2009

Now that the days are longer and sun shines (er, well, sometimes it does shine), barbie season begins.

It is an institution here; everyone who has a back yard has a BBQ. All barbies I have been to  seem to follow a quite definite pattern; and finally, someone somewhere has been able to write down the rules.

New Standard Operating Procedures Released Today

THE BARBIE RULES:

It is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity.

When a man volunteers to do the barbie the following chain of events are put into motion:

1- The woman buys the food.

2- The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegs, and makes dessert.

3- The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.

4- The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:

5- THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

6- The woman goes inside to organize the plates and the cutlery.

7- The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks her to bring him another beer while he flips the meat.

Important again:

8- THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

9- The woman lays the table, cuts the bread, brings the salads, sauces, meat, napkins and places them on the table.

10- After the meal, the woman clears up the table and washes the dishes.

And most important of all:

11- EVERYONE PRAISES THE MAN AND THANKS HIM FOR HIS COOKING EFFORTS.

12- The man, full of himself, asks the woman how she enjoyed “her day off”.

13- The doctor asks the man whether he has been hit by a hurricane.

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A friend sent me the link, and I´m still wondering how the hell did they do it.

It´s amazing!

http://beta.stinkdigital.tv/work/carousel

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Someone sent this to me, and I can confirm I’ve used one or three more than once!

1.You! Off my planet!!
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
5. I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 28 years.
6. Allow me to introduce my selves.
7. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
8. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
9. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
10. I’m just working here till a good fast-food job opens up.
11. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
12. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
13. I can’t remember if I’m the good twin or the evil one.
14. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
15. You say I’m a witch like it’s a bad thing.
16. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
17. Chaos, panic & disorder – my work here is done.
18. Everyone thinks I’m psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
19. Earth is full. Go home.
20. Is it time for your medication or mine?
21. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?
22. How do I set the laser printer to stun?
23. I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
24. When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.

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