Now that the days are longer and sun shines (er, well, sometimes it does shine), barbie season begins.
It is an institution here; everyone who has a back yard has a BBQ. All barbies I have been to seem to follow a quite definite pattern; and finally, someone somewhere has been able to write down the rules.
New Standard Operating Procedures Released Today
THE BARBIE RULES:
It is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity.
When a man volunteers to do the barbie the following chain of events are put into motion:
1- The woman buys the food.
2- The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegs, and makes dessert.
3- The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
4- The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
Here comes the important part:
5- THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
6- The woman goes inside to organize the plates and the cutlery.
7- The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks her to bring him another beer while he flips the meat.
8- THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
9- The woman lays the table, cuts the bread, brings the salads, sauces, meat, napkins and places them on the table.
10- After the meal, the woman clears up the table and washes the dishes.
And most important of all:
11- EVERYONE PRAISES THE MAN AND THANKS HIM FOR HIS COOKING EFFORTS.
12- The man, full of himself, asks the woman how she enjoyed “her day off”.
13- The doctor asks the man whether he has been hit by a hurricane.