Roman Catholic country boy vs. urbanite Jew
The young couple, still at college, and without a penny in their pockets, accept the suggestion of the husband’s parents to go and live with them. They have, of course, never talked about differences in culture. They had more interesting things to do.
Young bride, holding her case and her dog, stands on verandah and is greeted by mother in law:
-“You’re right in time to help! We’re going to kill the pig! Change your clothes and join the party!”
-“T-t-o kill t-t-the what?”,stammers young bride, shocked to her very Jewish soul, hopefully hoping she has misunderstood.
-“The killing of the pig, the matanza!”– shouts mother-in-law, evidently believing bride is retarded.
Young bride enters very cautiously, trailing her case (and her dog), and is terrified by sight of monstrous live pig hanging upside down from garage door. Lots of people, children included, are dancing and laughing around monstrous pig, carrying plastic buckets and enormous knives.
Young bride locked up inside car with her dog (case lost while running away) with eyes firmly shut and hands covering ears, so as not to hear terrible cries of monstrous dying pig.
Young husband, who hasn’t got a clue what’s going on, tries to get her out of car. He eventually succeeds (love conquers everything).
Young bride finally comes out of car, desperately holding her dog’s leash.
She walks behind her hubby back to house, only to be confronted with sight of monstrous pig hanging upside down quite dead, as its neck is neatly cut and its blood is falling, falling in a red cascade into the, omigod, plastic buckets.
Young bride again inside car with her, by this time, extremely confused dog. She is, by this time too, seriously considering divorce. She wants to go back home and tries to remember what button she must push to get car started. She fails miserably as she has never learnt how to drive. Home is, very unfortunately, too far away to go walking, or she would try: 1200 miles away from mum.
Now in-laws, neighbours, children, family friends, hubby (all covered in monstrous pig’s blood) are all surrounding car, but unable to get in: bride has secured all the doors and closed all the windows. She wouldn’t be more terrified if she had married into a cannibal tribe.
No one understands her behaviour: these people have never seen a Jew in their lives. They think she’s a spoilt city brat who doesn’t want to help with household chores.
Finally, after much reasoning and shouting (well, hubby had to shout; bride had her eyes firmly shut again so as not to see pig’s blood everywhere), and after every in-law, neighbour, etc. has left crime scene, she consents to go to house again, if she could just go some way where she doesn’t see monstrous dead bloody pig.
Hubby carries her to kitchen. Blood buckets are right in middle offloor, while children mixblood and in-laws throwraisins, pine seeds and sugar… sugar!!! intomixture. Mother of mother-in-law says to her.:
-“You silly thing, if you didn’t want to help no one would have forced you, come sit by my side and we’ll eat one of those delicious sweet blood puddings”
Bride cries in bed curled up, all dressed and holdingher dog tight in bed as protection from alien in-laws, while hubby sits onarmchair with sleeping bag wondering what the f*** is going on.
The day after.
Bride discovers wholesome diet of new alien family consists of freshly killed pig with potatoes, boiled pig with potatoes, fried pigwith potatoes, liver,kidneys, sausages, pig’s hands, pig’s legs (with potatoes). And a fried egg now and then. With potatoes.
A week later:
After six days carefully hiding from in-laws, getting up at five o’clock (with dog) and coming back when alien family is asleep, and living on a diet of boiled eggs (as in-laws cook with pig’s lard, instead of olive oil, like civilized people do), she agrees to join in Sunday meal, as she is promised by her by now much chagrined hubby that everlasting diet of pig is changed on Sunday meals.
She enters kitchen and finds, on table, a roasted rabbit and several plates full of assorted crabfish.
She left the house (with her now fat dog) soon afterwards. In this case, the end of the marriage would not have been a divorce, but a newspaper headline:
HONEYMOON BRIDE DIES OF STARVATION. DOG SURVIVES